The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ttyl tear gas
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We need a shit load of segways right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
