when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
