zippers are such a cool invention
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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