yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
