Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
