Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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