So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
