He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
