god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
