so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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