What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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