Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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