I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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