Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
