You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
