Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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