I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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