I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
