i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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