he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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