Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
