I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
