I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
