but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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