my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
