yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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