Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I must be too annoying 4 u.

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(949): View more from California

I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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(631): View more from New York

My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.

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(469): View more from Texas

In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.

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(631): View more from New York

he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader

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(315): View more from New York

You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests

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