I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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