If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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