Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
