I feel like I'm in dance class right now
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
