it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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