you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
