i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
