hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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