I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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