you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
