I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
