The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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