Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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