I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
