we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
