Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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