Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
