No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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