Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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