I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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