Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize