Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
