after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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