good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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