Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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