onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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