Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
