he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
