Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
