Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
