I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
