Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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