roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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